Faith & FamilyYou Belong Among the Wildflowers February 5, 2018 My precious Rosie girl, last week you turned three years old. The years have gone so fast and I find myself straining to remember your first smile, how you looked at a certain age, how much and when you grew. But it also feels long. Life before you is now vague, my darling because when you came, everything changed. Everyone says you don’t know true love or true joy until you have a child and they’re right. But you make everything better. When you came, you brought a spark into our days that wasn’t there before. A magic that made skies bluer, chocolate sweeter, a good song more lovely. Figuring out how to be your mommy and shepherd you each day has given me a capacity for enjoying all God gives us in a way I couldn’t before. Seeing the world, discovering it for the first time, through your eyes is the purest and simplest wonder this life has to offer, my Rosie. Of that I’m sure. While our family has grown since, you first made me mama. When I think back on the girl I was on and leading up to your arrival, it makes me smile. She was young. She was naive. She was incredibly passionate about life before her. But now I see how much room she had to grow in beautiful, stretching ways. Sitting here typing this three years later, I’m taken aback at how different I am…how much change those three years made. I’ve long felt called to motherhood, but lately, I can tangibly feel God equipping me to be the mom you need. Directions are shifting, new passions and convictions arising and it’s a thrilling journey to behold. I’m enamored by you, my girl. So many say that you’re the spitting image of me…how you look, but most of all, in your temperament and your zest for life I already see coming through. I see bits of myself in you so clearly and feel that in so many ways, I can see where you’ll go…the struggles and the joys because I walked them. I’ve learned as an adult how to take that fire and passion deep inside and channel it into good, productive work when it once brought much heartache. I’ve learned how to take the dreamer nature that’s always consumed me and channel them into worthy, Kingdom-focused dreams, though I spent years dreaming of all the wrong things. Already now when I look in your eyes, I see that same fire and passion. Laid back you may not be, my girl, but who you are is purposeful. I spent years wishing I’d be calmer, more even-keel and now I’ve learned to embrace every ounce of fire God put in this heart of mine and direct it with intention. You will too. And now, looking into your eyes and seeing so much of myself so long ago still at the front of her journey, I’m so grateful for each piece of my story. I’m grateful for every tear, every obstacle, every trial because all of them have made me who you need as a mama. I know there is so much you’ll have to learn on your own and I have a feeling it’ll nearly break my heart watching you make mistakes I could help you avoid. But I’ll be here. I’ll be here to guide you on the journey, pick you up after the falls, wipe away the tears, and encourage and love you on your journey to becoming the Rosie God made you to be. I’ve started keeping a notebook of prayers and letters for you. One day, I’ll share it with you, sweet Rosie girl. I’m often struck by how hard it is to find the words because my feelings for you, my marveling at your every move and shift as you grow is so consuming. I thought the saying, “I love them so much it hurts,” was so strange until I had you. Now I know that no truer words are spoken. How can I bottle that and capture it onto the page so that one day, you’ll know? You’ll read my words to you and the depth of my love for you will be there. But darling, I’ve come to realize there aren’t words to do it justice. Still, one day when you seem to need it most, you’ll receive this book as a gift. And inside you will find a lifetime of love letters, tear-stained pages, and prayer after prayer for your heart and your future. And one day, when you’ve welcomed your own bouncing little beauty, I hope you’ll re-read it because only then will you be able to reach the depths of this Rosie-part of my heart. Mamas out there, I can’t recommend enough keeping a journal for your little ones. I heard of several people doing it as I entered into motherhood and it’s been the most beautiful thing. While I’m so excited to give it to her one day when she needs it most, it’s like balm for my soul, it soothes my mama heart and helps me process so many of these complicated feelings as they grow and change. I’ll share some details from Rosie’s simple wildflower birthday party later this week, but first had to share some thoughts for my girl. This blog serves so many purposes for us, but one of them is serving as a journal of our family’s heart and this girl sure fills it up.