A Letter to My Son

For as long as I remember, I’ve dreamed of being “Mommy.”  

I dreamed of what it would feel like to grow little ones inside of me, feel you kicking, and then bringing you into the world to join our family.  I dreamed of looking into your little eyes, watching you grow, and seeing bits of your daddy and me in you.  

Two years ago, that finally happened.  We welcomed your sister into the world and our hearts have never been the same.  Becoming mommy has been more than I ever dreamed it could be.  

But having your sister, Rosie, just makes us that more excited for you, little one.  She’s more than we could’ve ever dreamed.  She’s more fun and more precious, sweeter and more loving…she’s too good to have even dreamed up.  Knowing her makes us understand even more the special and unique individual that you’ll be.

I feel you move inside, responding to the sound of my voice, and I long to know you.  I long to see your tiny fingers, your first smile, your sweet cheeks.  I long to see you grow…not just bigger and stronger, but in faith.  I long to nurture you over the years, rock you at night, brush away tears, and teach you about Jesus.  I long to see the tiny, perfect miracle I know you’ll be.

And I can’t wait to see you get to know your sister.  

Even though part of me says she’s too little to understand, she talks about you.  She asks for you, she kisses you inside mommy’s tummy…and I can see it.  While our family is so happy and filled with joy, she feels it too…

…a little piece is missing.

I can’t wait to witness the bond you’ll have with her, I feel it deep down…y’all will be tethered for life.

As wonderful as our life is, knowing you haven’t joined us yet leaves a tiny hole.  From the moment we knew you were coming, our hearts grew and we’ve anticipated meeting you, our little man.

And I have to share a little secret with you….you hit the jackpot when it comes to Daddys.  

No one makes Rosie laugh or brings such excitement from her as your Daddy.  He plays, encourages, and loves her so deeply.  Seeing him become a Daddy and love on your sister has made me fall in love with him in a whole new way.  I still remember the first time he saw and held her.  There was a look of softness on his face as he stared at her that I’d never seen before and I can’t wait to see him with you, his son.  He hasn’t even met you yet and when he talks about you, his eyes light up and he breaks into a smile.  

Even more than the love and laughter and play, he leads this family in the boldest, but gentlest way.  He continually shows us Jesus and guides us more to knowing Him.  He challenges us to live in radical abandonment to the Gospel and so much of who I am today has been spurred on by being his wife.  

My deepest prayer is that one day, you’ll grow into a man just like your Daddy.  He makes life fun with a sense of humor that doesn’t quit.  He makes everyone around him laugh and it’s one thing I love most about him.  He challenges us to be adventurous, seek new experiences, and challenge the norm.  More than anything, though, I pray you’ll get his gentle heart and his love for not just his family, but humanity.  I pray you’ll get his passion for righting injustice around him, seeing others meet the Lord, and for living in a way that matters.

He talks often about wanting to live a life that counts and so much of what I want for our family and for you was dreamed by this man.  My son, you couldn’t find a better one to watch as you grow up, to teach you what it means to truly be a man as God intended.

We talk and dream often about life with you…the sports he’ll teach you, the trips we’ll take, the family traditions we want to start….

…but more than anything, we long for daily life with you here.  In our arms and by our side.

I promise to devote myself every day to loving you with my whole heart.  I promise to make life’s simple, beautiful moments come alive for you.  I promise to teach you and nurture you and protect you with all I have.  I promise to give you grace and ask for it myself when I fail you.  And we promise to guide you to living a life that matters, one bathed in light and walking in truth.

We love you, our little boy, our treasure, our whole and perfect gift from above.  I’m longing to hold you in my arms.