Faith & Family, KidsSimple, Purposeful Living – Routine November 28, 2018 Oh y’all, I’ve been most excited for this week on ROUTINE. Much of what I’ve wanted to say in the last three weeks falls under this category. I feel that God has continually increased my mindfulness and intention where simple living is concerned and much of that involves the routines, or rhythms, that make up our home and life. Rhythm is another word for routine that you may hear tossed around. It’s definitely one that we use in this house. Why rhythm? It gives us a framework for our days, but it isn’t a “check-off-the-list,” inflexible plan for each day. It’s a rhythm that we naturally flow through because it’s habit and we can change it and be spontaneous whenever we want! For so long, we didn’t have this. I felt like our days were just chaos. When I was a new stay-at-home mom, I’d wake up each day without a plan and all day was trying to make one. When Rosie was little and we were getting used to this new season, that worked okay…probably not as well as it could’ve, but okay. She didn’t need more and while I do think it would’ve helped me to have this in place, it was a different season and I was learning so much. I’ve always thought I’m a free-spirit, so I don’t need structure. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that’s a lie (atleast for me). I am a free spirit, but I also need some discipline and structure. Not structure without flexibility, but a framework to follow. Here’s the thing about having an intentional rhythm and environment at home. Just like I said last week with the making of home, you have one whether you created it on purpose or not. I know this because I didn’t do this with intention for so long and here’s what life looked like. Everyday was good and beautiful, but stressful. I had a constant anxiety over getting “all the things” done. When would I cuddle her? Care for her? Clean? Get work done? Run errands? Cook? Do a little more work? I tackled each day without a plan and we fell into this rhythm of chaos and low-grade anxiety. I was always worried about all that needed to get done instead of knowing when it was time for something and focusing on just that. I spent way too much time on the wrong things. We didn’t have a plan, so if I wanted to go to Target, I went to Target! Just to look….for the third time that week. And I’m not saying there’s never a place for freedom like that! But that had become my norm and it was excessive. And none of the more important things were getting enough attention. We were living without intention in our time management and as Rosie grew, it became more and more obvious that something needed to change. Around this time, I started really getting into simple living and what I wanted our home environment to be. I think this was a natural flow having a growing child that needed more developmentally and me becoming more aware of the chaos at home. Life is going to have some of that regardless! But there was more than there needed to be and I finally realized I had the option to change it. I found Mama Watters on Instagram of Homesong Blog about a year and a half ago. I found her right when I was craving an overhaul in pretty much every area: motherhood, our stuff at home, longing for a simple and natural home environment, longing for rhythm. I don’t know that I can even convey how much I’ve learned from her. I could write a book! But I don’t have to because she’s coming out with one on homemaking this coming spring and I am DYING to get my hands on that! But one of the main areas I’ve added intention because of her is RHYTHM. I’ve read many books on motherhood and the kind of environment I want to create at home and they all talk about rhythm. I was determined to create one for us and I’ve done so about twenty times since. I’m continually evaluating it, revising it, and tweaking. That’s the thing about rhythm…you can write it on paper all you want, but when you actually start living it, you’ll see areas to tweak. And like all things, give yourself grace and time to do that! My goal was to create a daily, weekly, and monthly rhythm for our family. Today, I’m just going to talk about our daily rhythm as a family. Here’s the process I followed: 1.) I started by making a list of all the things I wanted to happen each day, each week, each month. Then I revised because I always think more will fit than it actually will (and I’ve continued to streamline the list). And then I revised it again because I realized my goal is often to accomplish as much as possible. But what if the goal was simple, sweet, and slow? 2.) Then, I thought about our days and my kids’ schedules. First, I plugged in the necessities. When would they need to eat? When would they need to take naps? 3.) Then, I looked at what time was left and plugged in things from the “daily” list I’d made. And a rhythm started taking shape. 4.) Then to implement it, I started by trying to do it all the first day and that failed miserably. This is a slow creating of new habits, so I’m trying now to tackle one area at a time and making it habit and then move onto the next. Like I said, I’ve tweaked this often since I made it and I realize now it’ll be tweaked by season. Since getting outside each day is a big cornerstone of our family’s rhythm, the season can dictate what time of day we do that. For example, I love having picnic meals outside with the kids either on our backyard table or even on a blanket. In the summer, breakfast is best for that because it’s the coolest it’ll be all day. In the winter, on days it isn’t too cold, we do that at lunch during the warmer part of the day. And I’ve grown to love that. I love that life feels distinct each season and I’ve really fallen in love with living in the rhythm of the seasons God created for us each year. Here’s a look at what ours is currently. First, let’s look at the daily list. THINGS I WANT IN OUR DAYS *Good, nourishing food *Outdoor Play *Free Play time *Time to Create (some days more involved, some days just simple art time with crayons) *Reading Time with Kids *Some Work for Me *Bit of Reading for Me *Tidy Time/Daily Chores *Daily Check-in for Chris and I *Dinner as a Family Then, I plugged these into my framework around naps and meals at times of day when it made most sense for us. This rhythm below is what is currently working for us, but don’t put pressure on yourself that this is the “right” way to go about your day and this should be yours. It shouldn’t! Let it inspire you to take an intentional look at your family and craft your own. And I don’t follow these times exactly at all! I just have a general order of things in my mind and I’m putting times here because this is usually about where things shake out…just to give you an idea. Here’s what our current rhythm looks like: Our Current Daily Rhythm 5:00-7:00 AM: My Morning Time – I rise depending on what time I went to bed. I’m determined to get enough sleep, but I’ve also come to rely on this time. I have a morning routine now that I’ll talk about more in another post, but it fits in some self-care and some work. And it allows me to ease into the day before my kids start yelling “Mommy!” The kids are usually up before this is over, Rosie especially. But she plays in her room (and sometimes comes out and is directed back) until around 7:00. 7:00 – 8:00 AM: Ease into the Day – The kids want food first thing, so we’ve found that giving them an organic apple sauce or splitting a Lara Bar works well the second they get up. Then, there’s time to prepare our bigger breakfast. The kids usually play a bit while I start breakfast and Rosie joins me and helps. We have eggs and hot tea each morning. I’m working on making breakfast a really special marker in our day where we set a simple table, pour the hot tea, light a morning candle, and allowing it have a sweet and special rhythm all its’ own. 8:00 – 9:00 AM: Breakfast & Morning Time – We eat slowly together and I’ve started working in a morning time over breakfast where we read a Bible story, few books, do a verse we’re trying to memorize, and sing a song together. This is something new that we’ve started as Rosie has gotten older and I’m working toward really planning it out ahead of time where I’ve sketched out a months’ worth of verses or so, planned hymns or songs we’ll learn and sing, and picked a few books each week that fit the season. To start, it’s been more fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and that has gone well too and has given us the most surprising, spontaneous teaching moments. 9:00 – 10: AM: Clean-up & Get Ready for the Day – We’re trying to do a morning clean-up where we unload the dishwasher if it was full and hopefully washed the night before and then clean all of our breakfast dishes. I’m trying to tuck cleaning and housekeeping into tiny bits throughout the day so it’s never perfect, but we stay mostly on top of it. It doesn’t always happen and things build up, but my goodness, how much better life is when we do tiny bits at a time. Also, here, I like doing a daily chore. Nothing too crazy or time consuming, but we make the beds and depending on the day, we sweep, or vacuum the rugs, or wipe down furniture. My goal is ten minutes or so of this time and it’s amazing what we can do in ten minutes! I have quick clean-up times now throughout the day and they NEVER leave the house clean or perfect, but they help us manage it. And it creates good habits in us. Then we get dressed for whatever the day holds and get ready. 10:00-12:00 AM: Morning Activity Block – This is a flex time for us. Typically 2-3 days a week, we have an activity with friends or errands that we leave the house for during this time (I’ll share more about this in a weekly rhythms post). But I try to have two days a week at home. Often, this is an outside play time. We play in the backyard, go on a walk, walk to a park nearby, or really whatever we’re feeling. Some days, we do things in the house during this time or art time. 12:00-1:00 PM: Lunch & Book Time – We love doing meals outside when we can and sometimes this time of year, we eat lunch outside. I like packing it early and taking it with us on our walk or outside time above. But often, we just come in, clean-up and do lunch inside. I sometime don’t eat with them and use this time prep dinner or something, but I’m trying to be better at eating with them because I realized what a huge chunk of naptime I was spending eating my lunch. So now, eating by myself during nap is a treat for some days and I eat with them the other days. After lunch, we do a quick clean-up from the morning (think 5-minute toy pick-up – again not perfect house, just better and more managed). Then, we put on jammies and cuddle up on the couch and read a book they each get to choose and they often have a small piece of dark chocolate while we read. 1:00-3:00 PM: Rest Time – Dax usually naps this whole time. Rosie is in the habit of napping about half the time these days. When she naps, she’s exhausted and sleeps at least this long. But more often than not these days, she’s up during this time, but she plays in her room with the lights out and a blind open so it’s restful and quiet. I try to treat this time as rest for me too. If I need it, I take a 20 minute power nap to tackle the rest of the day. Sometimes I read a little. The first 30 minutes are something restful for me and then I try to use the last hour and a half for work. 3:00-5:00 PM: I like for the bulk of this afternoon time to be free play outside. Stuck in the house, this can seem like the longest part of the day. But getting outside makes it the best part of our day. Rosie loves helping with dinner prep and I’m really trying to encourage that. We also want to eat early for the kids’ schedules, so I try to do dinner prep first as their getting up. They have a snack, she helps me prep. Then, dinner goes in the oven to bake or is pretty much ready while we go to the backyard for the rest of the afternoon. 5:00-7:00 PM: Dinner & Bedtime Routine: We head in from outside and do any final dinner stuff and set the table. I like doing one final clean-up from the day here where I put music on and they dance and rush around putting their toys in baskets, etc. Chris usually gets home around 5:30 and they play with him for a bit. We try to eat by 5:45, but sometimes it’s 6. Whenever we’re home, I’m really trying to do a family dinner around the table. It’s such a good time to connect and talk and reconvene after the day. After dinner, the kids play or dance. Family dance parties happen often around here. Some nights we do baths, others they just go straight in jammies. We do a family book time before bed and then songs and to bed by 7pm. (When Rosie naps, bedtime is more of a battle and she’s up later). 7:00-9:00 PM: Final Clean-up & Adult Time: As they’re getting in bed or right after, we try to clean the dishes and go to bed with a clean kitchen. It doesn’t happen every night, but it’s so much better when it does! Then, we hang out, catch up and talk. We try to go to bed between nine and ten so that early wake up call is more possible. Okay friends, there’s a look at our daily rhythm. Remember, the thing with rhythm is it’s a goal and a framework. That doesn’t mean we hit every single thing everyday, but we’re working toward creating these habits. We know the order of things, so we know what comes next. It’s amazing the difference this has made for me. I used to always feel anxiety because every single item I needed to do was swirling around in my brain and I felt the need to tackle it all at once. Now, I have designated times for things, so it makes me more present on the task at hand. And I’m more able to celebrate little victories than just seeing what wasn’t done yet. Everything never gets done, but much more does than it used to! And I feel a lot more peace in our days. I’m a work in progress and our rhythm is as well, but it makes such a difference in our daily life as a family to have one in place. Now, make sure you check out my dear friends’ posts as well! Eileen from Eileen & Co. Amber from Amber Tysl Jessica from Grace While We Wait
AmandaKB says November 29, 2018 at 6:46 pm I enjoyed reading this. I’m kind of like you in the sense that I like to be a free spirit yet at the same time I thrive on a little structure. I’ve realized I can sort of have both. If I don’t at least have a general list or outline, I don’t accomplish much at all. When I have a general idea of what I’m working toward, I’m much more productive. I utilize a memo app on my phone to make a weekly list I can check off as the week moves along. I’m a lot less anxious when I know I’m making progress. I’m slowly learning to give myself some grace and to realize “progress not perfection” is better than no progress at all! I can still leave a “buffer” for when things pop up unexpectedly or when something else (like the weather) throws a wrench in the plan. It’s all about finding what works best, and like you, I’ve found that changes from time to time. Reply
Lindsay says December 6, 2018 at 7:08 am Thank you for sharing this Amanda! Yes, I firmly believe we can have both! I read somewhere that having a sense of rhythm or an outline actually gives you more freedom for flexibility and I have found that to be so true! I don’t stress as much when changing the plan because I clearly know what we’re “exchanging” it for and I know other things have been touched that need to be! Reply
Austin says December 3, 2018 at 5:50 pm What a beautiful post, Linds! Reading that, it felt like my soul was like, “YES! This is what I want.” Working an 8-5 job often leaves me wiped by the time I get home, and I waste so much time zoning out to Netflix that I don’t get anything done AND I don’t end up feeling rested. Trying to pay more attention to what gives me life and how I should better spend my time. And I totally agree, doing little things daily is so much better — although my bathrooms don’t get the daily love they need basically ever so cleaning can often become an “only when things are desperate” situation. You’ve really encouraged me to give greater thought to developing a rhythm for my own life! Reply
Lindsay says December 6, 2018 at 7:03 am Oh Austin, I love this! I’m still learning everyday and feel like every word you said, I’m trying to pay attention to right now! Things can get out of whack so easily, but having a guideline to draw back to helps so much!!! And girl, my bathrooms NEVER get touched, haha! Working on that 🙂 Reply