Faith & FamilyThe Everyday Moments March 30, 2016 Growing up, my mama had a saying. And she did. Holidays, birthday parties, and special occasions growing up were always amazing. I’m not talking “My Sweet Sixteen” extravagance, but more thought. There was thought put into every single detail. She taught me how to carry out a theme through every little element. Some of my favorite memories growing up are of floating at the lake in the summer planning my sister and I’s September birthday parties. We dreamed and schemed. This was one thing I was so excited about when it came to being a mama: making her feel special through holidays and special occasions. I love using my gifts and interests to create a special occasion atmosphere and memories that are unforgettable for her. I had a blast planning her first birthday (see party reveal here and decor here). But I’ve realized that I often miss it on the everyday moments. Now I completely see why: adjusting to having a baby, trying to figure out how to work some while staying at home with baby, having health issues, renovating a house….I know it’s a long list. But I have realized that so much of the time, I’m in my own head. I’m playing with Rosie and I’m ticking off the list in my head of what I’m behind on with work. We’re having lunch together and I’m scrolling through e-mails on my phone. When I look back at what made everyday moments special for me as a child, it was that mom was present. She was focused on us. She was showing us love and that we mattered more to her than her work (she also worked at home) or house chores. The other day, I woke up before Rosie and the birds were chirping. Rays of sun were streaming in through the windows and I knew it was a porch morning. We’ve gone out on the porch a few mornings and always have the best time. We’ve moved most fabric things from the porch inside due to pollen, so I shook off some pollen and prettied it up a little. Kantha Blanekt | Ratan Loveseat | Moroccan Pouf | Neon Tray | Pillows are from Target several years ago I grabbed a few things I have lying around for the playroom and a few pillows from the living room. I brought out her high chair and made some toast (and coffee for mama). And when she woke, we had the most wonderful little mommy-daughter breakfast date on the porch. I purposefully left my phone on the other end so that it was only used for a picture. And we just ate and talked. We listened to birds. We laughed. We sat out there for several hours and it was truly a moment of magic and special in our everyday. For the rest of the day, I was on a high, but I also wrestled with some things. I kept thinking, “This is what it’s about.” I know that when sweet Rosie is grown and I look back, I want my memories to be overflowing with moments like these. I love my work for many reasons, but I don’t want to remember the stress, the pressure, the guilt for not getting more done… And it hit me. You’ve just got to let go of that. I put so much pressure on myself for what the blog “needs” to be. I beat myself up when I’m not able to get enough posts done certain weeks, not processing how much I might be doing behind the scenes to plan or finish rooms. A good blogging friend told me recently that she just does what she can and let’s the rest go. When she has something quality to post that she wants to share, she does. When she doesn’t, she doesn’t feel guilty for not posting. Her family comes first and the blog gets the leftovers. In a sea of bloggers who are just killing it and seem to be getting it all done, it’s a hard pill to swallow, but I know that I have to. The issue for me isn’t wanting to blog or even having something to blog about. It’s that I have so many things I want to share and so many projects I want to do that it gets overwhelming. Add the mama piece, and I’m constantly in my head running through the never-ending to-do list. I spent a lot of time yesterday soul searching and dreaming for the blog AND the kind of mama I want to be. I reminded myself that the mama piece comes first. We’ve had so many days since Rosie came that she was sick and fussy or I felt bad or we had a rough night and instead of just cuddling her and letting us have a relaxing day, I’m beating myself up for not getting more done and end up not loving her well. I also realized that some of the dreams I have will not be possible during this young mommyhood season and that is completely okay. For everything there is a season. I’m done beating myself up, but I do want to make the balance better. Many of the base dreams for what I want the blog to be are totally possible right now. What I need to make that happen is some structure. Structure is almost a taboo word for me. I’m a very free-spirited, be flexible sort of person. But in this new season, the only way I’m going to make it is by adding some much-needed structure. I’ve found myself craving it, which is so unlike me. First of all, that means when I work. For me, what I feel good about is working before she wakes, during nap time, and about an hour while she plays independently. I’ve been trying to do this, but work is constantly on my mind when I’m with her and I keep thinking, “I need to do more!” I’m making myself be okay with that schedule and what gets done, gets done. I do want her to see me being creative, so doing a project she can sort of be a part of is different. I’m talking phone or computer time. I also wrote out all of the areas that I want to share on the blog. The things I LOVE, not that I feel pressured to share. And I made myself a little schedule. I do think about future posts and some things are scheduled in advance, but for the most part, I just sort of post whatever is on my mind that day. My mind is too full for that to work well anymore. I’m not going to do some big announcement of what you’ll see each day because this is more on my end. I need for it to be easy. I need to know, “Okay, on Monday, I share this.” Though you will probably see a few new series rolling out in the coming weeks. I’m not going to promise a certain amount of posts. I’ve done that in the past and that added pressure makes me want to post less and I think the posts become less quality. I’m just going to play with this and see how it works for us. Overall, I’m going to prioritize the everyday moments and rest in the truth that they’re enough for me. I’m going to blog because I love the outlet and I love being creative, NOT because I need it to be successful and show me that I matter. Now, that’s a hard one that I’m always battling. If y’all have a secret cure for that, please share, friends. Do you bloggers out there do any kind of a schedule? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you! And I’d love to hear any work/mama balance tricks you guys have learned!
Brittany says March 30, 2016 at 12:02 pm I’m not a parent, so I can’t even imagine the kind of challenge that would add to the whole equation, but I have been thinking a lot lately about blogging and my social media presence, and what it adds to and detracts from my life. I was about the last person in the world to get a smartphone and now I feel like someone who is always on it. Balance is tough–maybe tougher in someways than an all/nothing approach. It’s always good to take stock and try to figure out better ways of finding that balance. Reply
martha bryan says March 30, 2016 at 3:34 pm Some of my best’ boys and Mom time’ was spent in the car, we’d just talk and ride and laugh , we made up stories and they were always better than in the books, except I was always forgetting which character was which, but what else can you do in Atlanta traffic? Enjoy, Martha Reply
Corinna - A Designer At Home says April 2, 2016 at 3:02 pm I’ve lived with mommy guilt for coming up on 4 years. I’ve worked full time the entire time because my husband has never made much money. But I’ve also loathed my job and desperately wanted to do something creative. I’d hoped I’d figure out the blogging formula. But it’s been at the expense and heartache of my son’s first 4 years of life. We’ve also been renovating and I’ve had health issues pop up since his birth. Life gets harder by the day. I have no advice because I’m the worst at this but you should know you’re doing better than a lot of us. Reply
Becky in 'Bama says April 8, 2016 at 1:29 pm Corinna: Bless you. I sense your stress in every word. I also want to tell Lindsay that mostly be thankful that she is not having to be a full time mommy and full time bread winner. I, too, have worked my entire married life – taking only 6 months off – with my first and only baby. (42 years now) It hasn’t been easy but my husband is unskilled and has no secondary education – so it was a must (and even still we struggle). I’d bet you are doing a good job at motherhood and holding down a job. My pearl of wisdom to you: find some way to work less and enjoy life more so that you won’t be like me – age 62 – dissatisfied with how my life WENT and wasting time on mourning the past. I’m FINALLY resolved that having less stuff and less debt is admirable and in the end no body wants YOUR stuff anyway. 🙂 Reply
Lindsay says April 13, 2016 at 11:44 am Oh Becky, this made me so sad to read! I’m so sorry to read this, but you have such great wisdom here! Yes, having less stuff and less debt is the way to go. We’re selling so much extra right now and working toward a plan to pay off debt. It’s so freeing! Reply
Lindsay says April 13, 2016 at 11:45 am OH Corinna, I’m so sorry to read this comment and my heart just goes out to all mamas. i’ve talked to so many and it seems like we all have that struggle regardless of our circumstances. Sending you a virtual hug and some love, friend! Reply
Haley says April 14, 2016 at 4:23 pm Love that quote! I’m not much of a blogger, but I am a working mom… I feel like there will never be enough time, but we have to make what we have work. My daughter and I love to go out on walks almost every day (#walkswithCora) and sometimes they’re really special like at the local park and sometimes they’re just in our back alleyway but it’s always a time that the two of us can run around and spend some one-on-one time together. I love finding one or two small things that we’re doing to do daily and try to make them a little bit special (We have a lot of living room floor picnics). As far as getting things done, I love where you said “do what you can and forget the rest” because that policy really works. I have to-do lists for specific projects that are just step-by-step and when I find a free moment I do a quick step and check it off the list. It may take me a week to do something instead of 2 hours, but it gets done slowly. Reply