UncategorizedSoul-Pondering Saturdays: Self-worth November 16, 2013 The purpose of Soul Pondering Saturdays is to shine light, share heart stories, and very literally, make known what the soul ponders. My hope is that after a busy week, you’ll take a moment to sit down with a good cup of coffee to let your soul rest and ponder. Something that has been on my heart for a while is the idea of self-worth. Where do we find it? Where does our worth actually lie? For me, I thought that I had this covered. I know in my head that my worth does not lie in my life as a blogger. Blogging is what I do, but not who I am. I know this. I’ve preached it to myself again and again. But lately, my heart has begun to believe that lie. In today’s internet world focused on fame and status, our worth is defined by our number of Facebook friends, Instagram followers, re-tweets, shares, the list goes on and on. But as a blogger, our literal worth to brands and others often depends on those things. If we are pouring our heart out to the world every day on our blog, we want to see our numbers rise because if our numbers don’t rise, then we believe the lie that what we said isn’t connecting with anyone. No one cares. We don’t matter. Before I started this new brand, I was obsessed with blog growth. Why isn’t mine growing as much as I want? How do I do it? Does no one hear me shouting out into the universe begging to be known? I knew, and told myself time and again, that if I just became a bigger blogger, this craving would be gone. People would care and I would know this because I had what the world might consider a significant amount of followers. If I could just get there, I would stop striving because I made it. Then I started the new brand and went to a few conferences and made some helpful connections. And things changed. I started to see growth. More people commented. More people followed. More people were shouting, I was starting to get what I’d been striving for! I have in no means “made it” and I’m not sure that I even believe in that term anymore. But I was seeing results. My followers increased daily and I was happy. What took me a few weeks to realize, though, was that my happiness and even my joy had started to depend solely on my numbers. As a blogger, our “numbers” are often seen as a direct representation of whether or not we matter in this blogging world. I found myself checking my Instagram followers fifteen times a day and jumping for joy when they’d increased a little each time. For weeks, this steady rise continued and then the unthinkable happened. Someone unfollowed me. Out of the hundreds of new followers, one unfollowed. Happiness gone. Joy dashed. Self-worth as a legit blogger destroyed. Someone doesn’t like me. Someone doesn’t care. That one “unfollow” was the first of several that steadily come in every few days now. And it hit me, the more followers you have, the more you have to lose and the more pressure you put on yourself to try and keep them. I became obsessed, without even realizing it, with why people unfollowed. What I didn’t process at the time was that my “unfollowers” were small in relation to new followers. I didn’t process that, nor did I care. I went to the Allume Conference back in October with this baggage. I was happy with my new blog and the growth I’d seen, but I was carrying around this pressure to keep improving, keep doing more, and keep working so that people would stop unfollowing. On the first night, Ann Voskamp spoke and it changed my entire perspective. It hit me that I was trying to be everything to everyone and that just isn’t possible. I realized that my entire self-worth was no longer in God and who I am as His child, but in my beloved White Buffalo. When people liked me, I was on top of the world. When someone didn’t, it was a personal attack and I was in the depths of despair. She said something that changed my life and that I have been preaching to myself ever since. She said that we have a deep, God-given desire to be known. We need to know that we matter. And we seek to be “known” by the world. I know I was seeking that with my blog. But what we often forget is that we don’t need to matter to anyone else because we are already KNOWN by God. He has chosen and appointed us. He has always and will always know us. I felt like a weight that had been pulling on my heart burst free and flew away. I immediately took a deep breath and felt light for the first time in weeks. He knows me. And it does not matter if one other person ever does because For me, this knowledge is life-changing and freedom-giving. But I’ve realized that we also have to be careful with this. Letting go of followers or success, however you define it, is wonderful. But that doesn’t mean that we stop being good stewards of opportunities we’ve been given. Our blogs, or businesses, or families, or whatever is in your life are gifts and callings given to us by the One who knows us. We have to let go of the craving to be known by the world, but not stop working toward our calling. I am still processing that every single day as I hack my way through this beautiful, but dense blogging jungle. But what I do know is that I have to be faithful. I had the idea for this Soul Ponderings series for a while now, but had been fighting it. I thought, this is a style blog and if I talk more about faith and inspiration, more people will unfollow. And you know what? That’s completely true. But I can’t worry about that. Does that fact make me sad? Absolutely. Does my human nature tell me that I should do everything within my power to keep every reader here? Of course. But my calling is bigger than that. And in the end, I will not be answering to those who unfollowed. I will be answering to the One who knows me and who has called me according to HIS purpose, not my own. Thanks for joining me as I try to blog about style, but also BLOG WITH PURPOSE. Okay, ladies, I would love to hear your reactions. My goal with soul ponderings is to merely start a conversation that we can continue through comments and e-mails. Do you struggle with finding your self-worth in something other than where it should be? Do you have advice for conquering that?
Emily@Decorchick says November 16, 2013 at 7:27 pm I love this post Lindsay! Focusing on blog numbers can be a curse, especially in the beginning. As long as we know who we are in Him, like you said, that’s all that matters. Thanks for the reminder again. 🙂 Reply
Lindsay says November 16, 2013 at 9:11 pm Emily, thank you so much for your comment! I have to continually preach this to myself 🙂 Reply
Kayla @ KRDixon Designs says November 16, 2013 at 8:33 pm This was so well put! I’m glad you have taken the step to write these posts! Sharing your heart is so powerful and you never know whom it may impact and who will be changed by your words! Only God knows but following His calling is the most important! I have really been struggling with my blog the past few months but its wrapped around more than my self-worth. I think mine has to do with balancing my life and really knowing if this is my calling. It’s hard when you do not see growth and the enemy uses that to attack your purpose. My purpose is also to be a mother and with being pregnant and having a toddler running around, blogging doesn’t always come so easy. Thanks for sharing your heart!!! Blessings, Kayla Reply
Lindsay says November 16, 2013 at 9:13 pm Kayla, you are so right. It is so incredibly difficult, I think, to really decipher what your calling is. It has taken me years to sort of unpack all of this and it’s become clearer and clearer, but I also do not yet have babies. And you’re having a new little one?! I don’t think I realized that. Congratulations! I cannot imagine how tough it is to balance babies (which is obviously your first and more important calling) with blogging. There is so much pressure to post, promote, and do all the things that come with this that I really don’t know how you mamas do it! I guess I’ll figure it out one day 🙂 Reply
Kennesha says November 17, 2013 at 8:54 am Love this friend! Thanks SO much for sharing your heart! Means a lot! You’re the best! Can’t wait to meet you some day! And so many others I’ve been able to recently connect with! Continue to do what God has given you a passion for and do it with all of your heart, for Him and listen closely to His voice with your biz and writing…I am learning that more and more, it pays dividends since He has the best plans for us {even for our blogs and businesses} and can see SO much more than we can! So good! Love, love, love following you and getting to know you better here! xoxoxoxoxo -Kennesha Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:30 pm Thank you so much, Kennesha! I can’t wait to keep getting to know you too! And you’re so right…I’ve always believed He had plans for our lives, but for some reason, I didn’t really think He cared as much about my business. I thought, he just cares about our hearts. Now, I’m realizing He is so in all of that! He’s proving it to me every day! Reply
Mykl says November 17, 2013 at 2:01 pm Thank you for sharing. I love your new series. I live in the Bible belt and I still feel like there is so much hostility toward Christianity. Still so many people who don’t understand what being a Christian means. I love when I come across someone like yourself who recognizes that sharing your faith may cause some people unfollow you but you listen to that prompting God has put on your heart and you obey. I love White Buffalo, but I would continue to follow you because of your heart for the Lord alone! May God abundantly bless you and White Buffalo! Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:29 pm Thank you so much, Mykl! I know what you mean about living in the Bible belt where you think everyone is a Christian, and then you realize that many don’t get it and are actually hostile towards real, sold out faith. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone! Loved hearing your heart today. Reply
Carole @ Rustic Artistry says November 17, 2013 at 2:33 pm I now what you mean about watching the numbers. I don’t blog but started an online shop this year and am always watching my number of visitors, Facebook fans, etc. One thing you should remember about blog unfollowers is tht sometimes people will come across one of your posts through a link, think hmmm, this could be interesting, and sign up. After a few weeks they may decide it’s just not for them, and with so many options, people need to winnow their blog lists to a manageable level. So it’s not that someone doesn’t like you, it’s just that your message doesn’t resonate with them. And really, of that’s the case, that’s not who you’re writing for anyway. Better to have a few less followers appreciate what you write about, then a huge number of indifferent ones. Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:28 pm Isn’t it such a struggle, Carole? I think anything in life we want to be successful and know that others notice or care, but blogging or a shop like you have is so tough because there is a tangible way to measure how people feel about you! Granted, I’m not sure it’s always completely accurate, but it’s hard to tell yourself that in the moment. Reply
Beverly says November 17, 2013 at 3:25 pm From the very first word of this entry I was thinking, oh she must read Ann Voskamp’s books! And lo and behold, you mention the Allume conference and Ann!!! You get it and you will get it, as God daily reshapes your soul. And as you recieve His daily gift of grace you will become more and more the gift. And you will give yourself away to others everytime you post on your blog. Blessings to you dear one! Beverly TX Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:27 pm Beverly, would you believe I haven’t read one of her books? After hearing her speak at Allume, I have two of them and AM DYING to read them! I just haven’t sat down and done it yet. I’ve got to get on that! Reply
Natalie Klemek says November 17, 2013 at 4:14 pm Hello! I really felt compelled to write to you today … I am a fairly new follower and don’t worry I’m not about to “unfollow” you ever! I felt so connected to this post because I feel like I have the same type of struggles. I don’t blog but I do go through periods of life pondering where is my self-worth lying?, am I valued by anyone?, why am I on earth? and I feel like I should be doing more with my little life. So you’re not alone! But when I get to these times, I REALLy have to dig down deep to the root of my issues then re-evaluate my priorities and finally (for me) STOP comparing myself to others!! These feelings really come in to play when my fire season comes to an abrupt halt after the summer months … I absolutely love working as a firefighter, earning a living and having to go to work. I look forward to working but then when our fire season is over … I go back to full time stay-at-home mother & house manager. I enjoy being a mother but having that job gives me something else. Oops, I’m rambling … But anyways, I wanted to say you’re not alone and thanks for being so raw, putting your true emotions out there for us to read and be lifted up. I am encouraged by your words & how you’ve remembered to put your value in God. Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:27 pm Thank you, Natalie! I loved hearing your heart about being a firefighter and how you find so much joy and worth in that. That’s an amazing calling! Thank you for reaching out and encouraging me today 🙂 Reply
Sarah says November 17, 2013 at 10:50 pm Loved this post Lindsay. I think everyone falls into these feelings, but most aren’t brave enough to say it. I applaud you for sharing! I feel this way from time to time, but give myself regular reality checks to remind myself what is really important about life – including just having things like a warm home, a husband, food in my pantry, walks in the sunshine. Enjoying day to day life and helping others brings me more self worth than what others think I have going on. Hope you continue to find your balance, you are worth it! ~Sarah Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:26 pm Thank you, Sarah! What an amazing perspective. We are so blessed beyond the blogs, in ways that many families are not. Why does our culture just say WE WANT MORE? Reply
Brooke Kelly says November 17, 2013 at 11:46 pm Lindsay, I loved this post! I have not been following you for very long, so I am just getting to know you through all of your blog posts but I really felt the need to encourage you to keep this up! I am so thankful you realized this and shared it with all of us, even if you do lose followers. Thank you for the reminder and inspiration you give me! Keep up the good work! God Bless You With love, Brooke Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:25 pm Thank you, Brooke! I’m so glad you’re here! And thank you so much for your encouragement 🙂 it really means the world! Reply
Kelly @ View Along the Way says November 18, 2013 at 1:46 am Yes yes yes — to everything! It is definitely a struggle I always have, blogging aside, to not put my worth in what other people think. (This is a constant battle!) And blogging just puts NUMBERS on that, so you can TRACK it, tangibly. It’s terrifying and addicting, and you’ve got the answer right here: the numbers will go up and down, and if you attach your self esteem to them, every day is a rollercoaster. But God is steady, Setting out to make Him bigger and make Him known is a worthy goal. And it’s a place where you can (where *i* can) find rest. I love these posts and I think you should keep ’em coming! One other thing I’m kind of learning is the more you make your blog “YOU,” the more people will self-select. They’ll either LOVE it or HATE it, but there won’t be any in betweens, and the people who stick around will really get you and create a community. This is what I tell myself every time I write something I think might be polarizing. 🙂 Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:25 pm Kelly, can I just say thank you? Thank you for reminding me to JUST BE YOU and recognize that some people will hate that and that’s okay, But others will LOVE it. Great reminder. And I love what you said about numbers fluctuating, but God being constant and steady. He’s bigger than all of this! Reply
cassie says November 18, 2013 at 2:52 am i love this, lindsay! i think it is so important to be who you are and who you want to be rather than what anyone else wants you to be. i am looking forward to this series and getting to know you even more. 🙂 Reply
Lindsay says November 18, 2013 at 2:24 pm Thanks so much Cassie! I love how you put that, “be who you are and who you want to be rather than what anyone else wants to be.” That is so true and a great reminder! Reply
Summer Hogan says November 19, 2013 at 5:44 am Such true words! Thanks Lindsay! I too felt the same way after Allume and I continually have to convince myself that if I let God lead my blog then it will go where it is supposed to and I do believe God wants us to be successful when we use the gifts He gives us and it is okay. Thank you and I am so grateful to have met you! Would love to get together sometime, let’s carve it out somehow in this crazy blog, work, life balance! Reply
Starla says November 21, 2013 at 3:43 am Hi there. I liked to you from Just a Girl and happened on this post. I’ve visited a lot of blogs but have never followed one. I appreciate this post so much AND am looking forward to more specifically about your faith so I’m actually following now because if this post. I’m sure I won’t be your newest follower for long as Im sure many more will follow too. Blessings! Reply
Kristy says December 11, 2013 at 3:51 pm Good for you, for following your heart and soul. That is really what it is all about. I am glad you are seeing that. I made sure, that when I started my blog that it was from that place. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I enjoyed the one about the man you saw on the street on the cold day. There are messages and lessons everywhere. I would love for you to see my blog. I feel you may connect with the lessons, even if you are not a mother. I post everyday (or almost everyday) what I call mom life lessons. I have heard from others that they can connect to them even if they are not a mom. http://www.journeyintomotherhood. I look forward to seeing more soul ponderings. ps. I was introduced to your blog, through YHL’s blog (your house is wonderful, by the way). Reply
Kristy says December 11, 2013 at 3:52 pm oops the link didn’t type in properly. It is http://www.journeyintomotherhood.ca Reply
France Courchesne says September 23, 2014 at 7:23 pm Like you I love God and I love style. Thank you for showing me they can go hand in hand. Thank you for putting Him first in your life and sharing these posts because they are a blessing to me and many others I’m sure! Reply
Lindsay says September 24, 2014 at 10:54 am Thank you so much! The world makes me doubt all the time that they can go hand in hand, but God always reminds me that they can and I’m trying to keep plugging away. So glad you’re here and thanks for the encouragement! Reply
Addie says February 11, 2015 at 11:47 pm I deal with this issue every single day. I want to be the “best”, and I seem to be the “best” when i’m not trying to give people what they want and instead only let the light God put there shine through. Very inspiring, and I wish more people had the courage to speak about their cognitive processes. xoxo Reply
Lindsay says February 13, 2015 at 5:02 pm Addie, I love hearing that you relate! Thank you for taking the time to comment 🙂 Reply
Christopher McDill says April 14, 2015 at 12:21 pm Thank you. I once owned and operated a business. I felt like I had to prove my self worth to everyone. It was God that put me in check. I was diagnosed with stage 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme and had to close it down. At that time I realized that I had put everyone to the side, including God, in exchange for success. I survive everyday thanks the him and a loving family and strong support system. You have really struck a chord with me. God Bless. Christopher McDill Columbus, MS Reply
Marie says May 9, 2015 at 10:47 am I have struggled for awhile with finding my self-worth, finding what it is I’m called to do. I sometimes feel like I have so much drive inside myself and so much dedication, but am unsure as to where I am to direct it towards. I stay up pondering what it is God has called me to do, and it just ends up upsetting me. I love to write, but Ivr had writers block for awhile with little to no inspiration. I love marriage, I think it’s a beautiful thing and I wonder if maybe marriage counseling is my calling and I need to go to school for that. I’m 21, I work a lot, and I have trouble being comfortable in my own skin. But lately, I’ve realized that waking up early gives me “me” time, and I need to exercise more and eat healthier and read more blogs and do more for myself. Reply
Natasha Roxby says December 9, 2015 at 3:30 pm *blinks* Oh, wow… I completely was not expecting this. So, I’m restarting my blogging work, and I was looking around on Pinterest for a decent picture that would make a decent header image, and the two cups of coffee on the railing caught my attention. So I clicked on the link and started to read the post and went, “Oh my goodness. This is exactly what I’m dealing with right now.” A few months ago, I started a blog called “Memoirs of a Taleweaver.” It turned out that I had seen the “Taleweaver” name before and that it had sunk into my subconscious and then bubbled back up to the surface, only to realize that someone already had that name before me. But, really, I had been wanting to redo my blog anyways. I had found out a bit too late that I had been coming up with too strict of a blogging schedule, and that I hadn’t been doing what I actually needed to do: be honest on my blog. Part of me really wanted to be, but at the same time, it was rather risky to be honest. Again, largely because of the number of followers. It was only recently that I confirmed in my mind that this was the path for me. And this rather unexpected post was just another bit of confirmation. So, thank you. 🙂 Reply
Jgoolia says January 18, 2018 at 1:22 am Never heard of whit buffalo, but ran across this post at a time (searching for ‘happy pictures) not sure how this article came up. But i am glad it did. It voiced a lot of what I think i needed to hear. Thank you for having the courage to speak up about your faith in such a cynical time. Reply