Faith & FamilyRise and Fight June 15, 2017 This wasn’t the post I’d planned to write today, but this morning as I was journaling, God stepped in and led me in a different direction. Don’t you just love when that happens? When He steps in and you can feel Him speaking, He changes your course and you just know that what He’s about to tell you is going to be good? I’ve had a renovation update to post for the last week and a half and life keeps taking over and I just cannot get it written! The guilt sets in and the struggle I often feel comes to the surface. I often feel tension over where my two daily roles meet: motherhood and work. Any other mamas out there? Yeah, I thought so. I can’t count how many times I’ve gotten the question of how I balance being a mom and working every day and the answer has been increasingly clear and simple as the years go on: I don’t. I’ve searched and searched. I’ve tried new daily routines. I’ve soul-searched to see if I’m somehow missing God’s calling or purpose for my life, prioritizing the wrong things, since I can’t find this perfect balance. And all of that searching has shown me one thing. I don’t believe true balance between these two worlds exists…one where balls are never dropped and each day, the boxes are checked off and you’re successful at both. We’re not unlimited. There are only so many hours in the day. We constantly prioritize the wrong things. We’re human and we fail, over and over again. I’m always keenly aware of my many failures and I thought I was pretty alone in that…the perfectionist in me yielding its ugly head. But I’ve come to realize that I think most of us are. For me, failure when it comes to balance has ALWAYS existed. Something always wins out, even if it’s just for a day, and balls are dropped elsewhere. I was searching for this elusive balance long before Rosie came, but motherhood has only made my quest for it and trying to avoid impending failure stronger. I guess the stakes seem higher. I spent my first year and a half of motherhood or so searching for this balance and absolutely beating myself up over failures along the way. Then God started to really do a work on me. I changed how I was blogging. I changed my view of motherhood. I quit demanding perfection of myself and made progress. But I’m not “fixed.” I still fail every single day. And I still beat myself up every single day. Some failures happen because of bad habits and prioritizing the wrong things: comfort, selfishness, etc. And we can make adjustments to fix that going forward. But so much of it happens simply because our lives are full and we cannot do it all. I’ve finally realized that it’s not about whether or not we’ll fail somehow, that’s a given. It’s about recognizing them for what they are and putting those failures in their proper place because regardless why a failure happens…whether its our own fault and could’ve been avoided or whether it’s because we chose to focus on something more important, we beat ourselves up over them and become paralyzed. And that’s exactly what he wants. Satan wants us keenly aware of our failures…to the point that we’re crippled and immobilized to move forward. He wants us ineffective at the calling God has set before us. He wants moments missed. He wants bridges burned. He celebrates not when we drop balls and fail because hello, we’re all doing that every single day. But he throws a party when we listen to his whispers that that one failure sealed our fate. That we shouldn’t even bother anymore because of the bridges that failure burned. He creates scenarios in our minds that aren’t remotely rooted in truth. He wants us to consider quitting. He wants to hinder us, even just a little bit. He uses our failures to try and stop us because the alternative terrifies him… A WOMAN ON A MISSION. A mission to start each day with Jesus, leaving yesterday’s failures behind and seeing the God-given potential in the day ahead. A woman on a mission chooses to dive in, imperfections and all. A mission to be vulnerable, not appearing perfect, showing others they’re not alone. A mission to love on our babies each day, each moment, with grace…always prioritizing them, always pouring in, always developing them to love the Lord. A mission to be intentional with the time, the work, and the relationships God has set before us. A mission to not accuse, not expect the worst, and to give grace above all else. A mission, a determination, and a calling to live free and fully alive. He tells us we don’t measure up. He quickly reminds us of balls we’ve dropped, all the ways we’ve failed. He desperately turns our mole-hill failures into Everest, an obstacle we surely can’t pass. Because he fears us discovering this true mission, failures and all. And there amidst the lies, the breaking down of our spirit from the tiniest things, the reminders of all of our imperfections everyone else can surely see, we must rise to fight. Our weapon is something his accusations can’t stand up against because the goal is not to prove our innocence. He sees where we’ve failed and he hits us where it hurts. Our weapon is to claim our value outside of the failures, to embrace our freedom from the pursuit of perfection. Our weapon is Jesus. Today, I’m taking up the name of Jesus and I’m rising to fight. As the Bible says over and over, even the demons tremble at the sound of His name. In Jesus, past failures aren’t obstacles in the calling God has set before us. We learn from them and they launch us. In Jesus, burned bridges are restored and a pathway to redemption is laid. In Jesus, perfection isn’t required and He turns our failures into progress. In Jesus, despair falls away and freedom and purpose-filled fire burn instead. In Jesus, moments and failure-filled days count and they pile up to build a life that matters…a life that will still matter when He returns and this world falls away. Failure will come, every day it will come. Sometimes it’ll be faint and in the smallest ways. Other times, the consequences will be high. But I refuse to let it stop me from moving forward. I refuse to let the fear of future failure cripple me. I refuse to not see the mission He’s called us to. I will rise and I will fight, in the name of Jesus. And I’m sharing this fight so that you never believe the lie I did…that you’re the only one failing, struggling, and barely hanging on some days. You’re not the only one under attack. Let’s rise and fight against it together, linked arm in arm, an army of women on a mission against the enemy. Because the mission of Jesus will win EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. *** That’s been The White Buffalo motto for the last three years and is still what I’m striving to do each day in our home and with our family. Yes, that often means tablescapes, inspiring interiors, and fun before and after renos. But it also means family. Faith. Joy. Struggles. Laughter. Health. You’ll find a little bit of all of that here as I share how we’re choosing to live with both style and purpose. A huge part of that is our journey toward a more natural life that’s focused on enjoying each and every moment together. A huge thanks to my main blog sponsor that makes this dream of mine possible:
AmandaKB says June 15, 2017 at 12:46 pm Beautifully written. I’m with you. I choose to fight. We are imperfect people in an imperfect world. We all have our moments (or days or weeks or months or even years) where we lose focus, wallow in our failures, get caught up in perfectionism, think we’re worthless, wonder why we can’t just get it together, fall into the comparison trap, etc etc etc. Personal growth is not a straight and steady line upward. It’s messy, full of twists and turns and highs and lows… and I have to remind myself of that daily… because we learn so many important lessons during those messy times! That is our opportunity to reflect and grow and rely on God even more. I like to think of it as Him chiseling off the rough spots in our character so we can become more like Him, more like the people He needs us to become over time. We all struggle with twinges of jealousy, greed, anger, pride, feeling like we aren’t good enough, feeling like we try so hard yet it’s still not enough… I could go on and on. Like much of what you said, our goal is to keep our focus on Jesus, keep striving to be the best humans we can be, and be examples of His light and love everywhere we go, whether it’s in our own homes, the stores down the street or across the globe. Thanks for your encouraging words today and for having the courage to share what God has placed upon your heart. Reply
Lindsay says June 15, 2017 at 5:18 pm Thank you so much for sharing that, Amanda! Yes! Yes to every single word you said!!! Gosh, I love how you put that: personal growth isn’t a steady and straight line upward. No it surely isn’t. I get so frustrated with myself because I’m like, “why can’t I learn this lesson and conquer this already?” I feel so often like I’m going backwards when it comes to little things in daily life: bad habits, etc., but when I look at my bigger trajectory, I’m reminded that big change I prayed for in our life and in my heart a year ago has happened and I’m shocked at who God is leading me to becoming! So often I have too small of a perspective. Thank you so much for sharing your heart today and for encouraging me! Being bold and sharing true, heart posts isn’t easy, but it’s always right and rewarding in some way or another! Reply
Austin says June 15, 2017 at 4:45 pm Bringing the fire this morning, girl! I so needed to read this post. As a newlywed, I’ve felt like I’m failing my husband left and right when I don’t live up to the “perfect wife” mentality (lots of friends tell me this wife doesn’t exist, and Adam has certainly never expressed disappointment or unreal expectations, but that doesn’t make the battle any easier!). On top of it, I came down sick this week, leaving our home/life in even more disarray! This is so encouraging to me to carry on, plow through with Jesus, He will bring both healing and good in our lives, even when it’s not how I think it should be. Reply
Lindsay says June 15, 2017 at 5:15 pm Austin, I love that: bringing the fire! hahaha! That’s something that’s been so laid on my heart this last year: to be bold, to say the radical, hard things, to not shy away from the mission He’s called me to. And it’s haaaardd….I doubt it often because the world gets too in my head, but I’m always affirmed it’s the right thing! I’m so glad that it touched you and girl I hear you! Your current struggle sounds like something I went through early on in our marriage and your friends are so right: she doesn’t exist! NO one can do it all perfectly, no matter their life stage. That balance to work well, keep a perfect house, cook every meal, please in every way…just DOES NOT EXIST!!! Give yourself grace and enjoy life with your new hubby 🙂 Reply
Sandie says June 15, 2017 at 5:52 pm In a ladies Bible Study I was involved with several years ago, it was presented like this…. Satan will settle for our idleness, but he’d much rather put us to work. I was reminded of this from your writing today. If we stop or shut down in our failures, we can be useful to Satan because we are not moving forward with our walk with The Lord. Thank you for being attentive to the Holy Spirit working within you and sharing this today with us. Reply