UncategorizedA Random Post About Ugly Things Because it’s My Birthday September 9, 2013Today, I’m 26. And I’m feeling a bit random. As I look back over the last year, I feel so grateful for some awesome things that happened. We sold a house, bought a house, renovated a house, started decorating a house (you see what these surround around right?), I became an aunt, my husband and I grew closer together than ever before, and I went to Haven and met some amazing ladies and learned some blog awesomeness that I’m so excited to put into practice really soon. But even though I feel grateful, I also feel a little strange. It’s not that I think 26 is particularly old, or that I’m unhappy with how much I’ve accomplished thus far in life, but something feels off. I really wasn’t sure what it was until I read Emily’s post this morning. Y’all, that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling. It kind of reminds me of my Run Like a Buffalo post. I so struggle with comparing myself to others or fear of what others think. Looking ahead in life to 26, I would’ve said that I was totally settled and over that kind of thing. I thought I’d be totally confident in who I am and what I stand for. {go check out this lovely art work she’s selling} I thought I’d be ready to twirl and do my thing. I thought I would know exactly who Lindsay is and unashamedly be her. And guess what? I’m just not there yet and sometimes, it breaks my heart. For example, I am so not confrontational. I will hide my feelings so that I don’t hurt someone else’s and let them stomp all over me when they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Here lately, me not being confrontational has actually hurt some people worse in the end. I hate that about myself and I’m trying to fix it. I am a people pleaser and will sacrifice myself ALWAYS to please others. Please don’t take that as saintly as it sounds. In the end it’s horrible because I let hurt and resentment just built up until it explodes. Then it’s much worse than it would’ve been if I’d just said something in the beginning. I play things safe because I don’t want to feel rejection or hurt when it doesn’t work out. I’m trying to take some risks and really give 26 an opportunity to blow my mind 🙂 I looked ahead to 26 and thought that all of these “ugly” parts of myself would be taken care of by such a mature age. Ha. Yeah right. I’m realizing now that I will NEVER reach that kind of place. I am and always will be a work in progress. And that’s okay. It’s all about the progress and the journey… That’s where my big news comes in. I will be posting this week, but am counting down to a big announcement next Monday. There…I said it. All will be revealed and announced next Monday. It’s kind of fitting that at the beginning of a new year and chapter for me, something big is starting. Can’t wait to share with y’all. So, I will definitely be around this week, but know I’m spending a lot of time on that and getting it ready and awesome for y’all. Last bit of randomness for today, I love my husband. I love him for many, many reasons, but Saturday was an example of why. On Saturday afternoon, he told me to go thrift shopping for an hour. I understood what he meant: get out of the house because I have birthday secrets to conjure. But I love that he told me to go thrifting. He knows me well. So, anyway, I went thrifting and found some good stuff as you know if you follow me on Instagram. I’ll post that soon. I came back after two hours or so to this: Yep, our outdoor area was finally in place complete with a chiminea and bulb lights overhead. Just as magical as I’d pictured. And now it’s all ready for some decorating and sprucing for fall. I think we might be spending every single night out here now. We had a fire Saturday and Sunday night. Yes, it was still like 80 in South Carolina and we had to keep scooting our chairs further back, but it was magical. And most of all I love my husband not because he takes magical places from my dreams and makes them a reality, but because he accepts me. All that ugly above? He sees it, he accepts it, he even loves it. He forgives when my ugliness turns on him. He encourages, but points me in the right direction toward apologies, humbleness, and forgiveness when my ugliness turns on others. He hugs and strokes my back while I cry when that ugliness turns on me. Now that is really something to celebrate on this birthday. Thanks for listening to my randomness and all of the amazing support and acceptance you guys have thrown my way. It doesn’t go unnoticed and it’s another huge thing I’m grateful for.
cassie says September 9, 2013 at 4:52 pm my two cents…. coming from a 35 year old formal people pleaser- 30 is the age you really start to gai that confidence, willingness to put yourself first. you will get there! and i can’t wait for the announcement!!!! Reply
Shavoda@AHomeFullOfColor says September 9, 2013 at 5:32 pm Happy Birthday sweets!!! What an awesome hubby you have:) Reply
Susan Sawatzky says September 9, 2013 at 5:32 pm Since 26 is the supposed age of full development of the brain, I think it’s okay that you still feel the way you do. I’m 70 and I sometimes still feel that way. Reply
Jennifer says September 9, 2013 at 6:13 pm Aw, what a lovely backyard scene. Happy birthday, friend! Reply
Jennifer @ Dimples and Tangles says September 9, 2013 at 6:59 pm I honestly think as women we will always have some of those feelings, it’s just in our nature! The trick is finding how to move past them and I think we’re all still working on that! LOVE your outdoor area…so cozy. And, that’s quite the teaser, can’t wait to see what’s up! Reply
Miss Charming says September 9, 2013 at 7:04 pm Happy, happy birthday, girl! I hope you have a wonderful day. Reply
Jennifer@The Chronicles of Home says September 9, 2013 at 9:16 pm I agree with Cassie above – I think MOST twenty-something women have some of those feelings. And they don’t necessarily ever go all the way away but I find every five years or so I can sort of look back and think, “Wow, I’ve come a long way in the past five years.” You’ll keep growing, I’ll keep growing (35, like Cassie!), and I bet I’ll look back when I’m 45 and think how much I’ve grown since 35! xo Reply
Julia @ cuckoo4design says September 9, 2013 at 9:32 pm Happy Birthday! That is so sweet of your husband and the backyard looks magical! The things you mentioned up there are some of the things I dislike about myself as well. And at 38 I’m still working on them, especially the part about not being confrontational. My mom was always confrontational and she still doesn’t care what people think, she’ll tell them. As a child I was always embarrassed when she spoke her mind and now I wish I could be more like her. Reply
Meghan says September 9, 2013 at 10:00 pm I’m loving the backyard – Kristian was so excited he texted me about it on Saturday when I was working. Y’all are making him step up his game – which I LOVE 🙂 26 was a HUGE transition year for me – that’s really when I took control of my life and stopped living for other people and started living for myself. I can’t wait to hear your big announcement on Monday! Reply
michelle@decorandthedog says September 9, 2013 at 10:14 pm Happy birthday! I second Cassie (she is wise). 30 is totally the age you gain that confidence you’re looking for. I DREADED 30. But 30 has been awesome. I don’t know what changed but it’s pretty awesome! Reply
Sarah M. Dorsey says September 9, 2013 at 10:25 pm Happy happy birthday! What a beautiful backyard!! Reply
Jessica Christian says September 10, 2013 at 7:53 am Happy birthday, sweets. I am randomly overtly in love with this cute little Random post of yours. My fave bit was when nyou left for shopping & came back home to see how beautifully your backyard was lit. Your husband is so sweet for that matter. Such happy moments really illuminate our lives. You just gave me a flashback, when once my boyfriend did something like this for me. Hhehehehe, I blushed and got thrilled so much that I cant explain. Love Jessica x Reply
Kristin @ bliss-athome.com says September 10, 2013 at 10:11 am Happy Birthday sweet Lindsay!!! Love that shot of your backyard. xo Kristin Reply
kate says September 10, 2013 at 11:23 am Happy belated! I had the holy-moly-i’m-26-ahhhhhh-birthday-blues this year, too. You expressed them more eloquently than I could–here’s too kicking 26’s butt! Can’t wait to hear the news! Reply
Bethany @ Dwellings by DeVore says September 10, 2013 at 2:41 pm Happy Birthday! (belated) I can identify with so many things you’ve shared! I am a fellow people pleaser too and REALLY trying to work on that at this point in my life. Hope 26 is the best year yet! Reply
Jennifer from Chesapeake, VA says September 10, 2013 at 4:49 pm Oh Happy Day!!!! Hope your day was full of many many BLESSINGS!!!! And by the way I ADORE the outside patio!!!!! Reply
Sarah {Lacquer and Linen} says September 10, 2013 at 4:52 pm Happy belated birthday Lindsay!! I think all of us can relate to what you are saying. We are all a work in progress and I’m not sure that any of us will really ever have everything figured out. I’m not where I thought I would be by my age either but in a lot of ways my life is way better than I imagined it would be. I hope you had a fantastic night out on your lovely patio with your husband!!! Reply
Kayla says September 10, 2013 at 6:40 pm Hope your Burthday was wonderful! It looks like it with that backyard surprise! I loved Emily’s post as well! I actually bought the twirl print for my little girl! I love all that it means and we are always twirling so it just fits! I’m not where I thought I would be at 29 but that is life. I feel content in where God has me and know that He will continue to guide me down the right path. It’s hard not to compare yourself but I continually have to ask for His help! Blessings, Kayla Reply
Marcia Browns says March 23, 2014 at 7:46 am I know the feeling, the 20’s aren’t all they cracked up to be. Your path is before your feet, you’ll find it if you really want to. I don’t believe it’s easy, i believe you are fully capable of fulfilling what destiny lies ahead for you. Screw other people, you are awesome and your life ahead of you is so exciting! Maybe a parrot singing Russian opera in the shower will distract you and make you giggle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tZaus2H9K8 Reply