Faith & FamilyDax’s Birth Story Part I May 3, 2017 I’m so excited to re-enter the blogging world today for a very special post. As y’all may have seen from social media, a little over two weeks ago, we welcomed the newest member of our family. I’ve been so excited to write his birth story and introduce him to all of you! It’s funny, this time around, I promised myself I wouldn’t put any deadline or pressure on myself to start posting again and get back to work. My main goal was to cherish the early days with our new family and start posting again when I felt ready. But I’ve been dying to get back to it! After the “waiting for him to arrive” period that affected my blogging time and then these newborn weeks, I’ve realized how much I missed it and craved this outlet! While this is technically work for me, it’s so refreshing to realize that it just doesn’t feel like it. I’m still giving myself grace where work is concerned, but have so much I’m excited to share in the coming weeks…starting with his birth story! As I said in several previous posts, we planned to deliver this baby boy at home just like we did with Rosie. We booked the same midwife and doula that were there for Rosie’s birth. I think that’s one of my very favorite parts about home birth and having a birth team come to your house. They feel like family. You get to know them so much during the prenatal visits, delivery, and then postpartum care that you build a really strong bond. Using them again for Dax’s delivery felt more like a reunion than anything else. For anyone who is in the Upstate, SC area, I can’t recommend our team enough! Carrie LaChapelle from Hatched Midwifery Care and Julie Byers, our doula, are amazing! I talked in Rosie’s birth story about why we chose home birth to begin with. For Rosie, that was a very complex and prayed over decision. It was much easier to choose that this time around since it was so amazing the first time, though we did spend time in prayer over it the first month of pregnancy just to be sure it was what God was leading us to…even though my heart said it totally was! Let’s dive right into how this little one joined us. I’ve decided to break this birth story up into two posts because it is loooooooong, y’all. Dax’s birth has taken some processing for me these last two weeks. I didn’t realize how much expectation Rosie’s birth created for this one. It’s my only experience with delivering a baby, so naturally, you assume (even if you try not to) that future births will be similar. Dax’s birth couldn’t have been more opposite in nearly every single way. With Rosie, I convinced myself that she’d be late since I knew most first babies are. And then my water broke the morning before my due date and she joined us that night. I tried not to let it, but that paired with everyone telling me second babies come early, created some real expectation that he would be early, or at least on time. I also had no experience with going into labor if your water isn’t broken. My birth team kept telling me to prepare for false starts that are so common after a first baby. Well, I tried to listen. Really, I did. About three weeks before the due date (April 8th), I had my first round of false labor. I could easily compare it to labor with Rosie and know that I wasn’t in full blown labor, but like I said, I didn’t know what early labor felt like if your water wasn’t broken first. As I’ve heard other labors described when the water breaks first, Rosie’s labor was like a runaway freight train until she was here. That first round clearly amounted to nothing, but it put the idea in our heads that he wasn’t far away. My body was doing something and we really thought it was getting ready. Over the next few weeks, I had four more rounds of that, each more intense than the last. Needless to say, each time I really thought it was happening. I tried to tell myself it might not be it and be okay with that, but it was a roller coaster. I felt really good about going through labor again during all of pregnancy. Of course, it isn’t something I want to do everyday, but Rosie’s birth gave me such confidence that I could do it again and the minute he was in my arms, it would be worth it. I can remember after Rosie was born thinking, “Wow, I survived that and I’d do it again tomorrow if I had to for her.” She was immediately that worth it. I realize now how funny that is because women have been delivering babies forever, but when you’ve never done it yourself, it almost feels a little impossible. This time around, I knew I had this. Plus, so many talk about how much easier second babies are than the first. After pushing with Rosie for three hours, I was all for one coming out easily and quickly. I still remember pushing with Rosie and near the end, I just felt done. My doula leaned down and whispered to me that future babies would likely come out in a couple of pushes after all that work. And that gave me the umph I needed to push through…get the work done now for more reward later. But as his birth got closer and I had those false starts, some anxiousness set in. Yes, I know from going through it that labor is difficult, so that causes some anxiousness…no one would be thrilled about that coming. But more than that, it was anxiousness for all of it…the whole day, meeting him etc. My midwife described it perfectly…you’re waiting on one of the biggest days of your life and it could happen at any second…over the course of a month or so! Gosh, talk about nerves and emotions going crazy. Every time those false starts died off, the next day was pretty difficult emotionally. When they would start, I’d get geared up. I’d prepare emotionally and mentally. Then, when they stopped, I realized I had to wait more and start the whole process over later and there would come some anxiousness. But overall, it was a good season. Waiting always is, even though it’s hard in the moment. I’ve found it’s often when we learn a ton. We had a false start about a week and a half before the due date that I just knew was it. My parents came and took Rosie and Chris and I spent the day together. We went out and about, with cramps and waves coming all day. We went out to lunch, shopping for some upcoming projects, we packed our day. I desperately needed the distraction. We got dressed up and went out on a fancy date that night, making sure to park as close to the restaurant as possible because surely with nightfall, fast and furious labor would start and we’d have to rush off. Did y’all know that? Most babies are born at night and labor often amps up as evening approaches. Well, nothing happened that night. My parents kept Rosie for three days because I just knew it was coming at any moment. Finally, they brought her home because nothing was happening and I didn’t want to be away from her any longer. The last “false start” began at night one week from the due date around 4 am. I had some contractions or waves that woke me up and were much stronger than anything I’d had before. They still didn’t compare to what I felt with Rosie, but they were very noticeable. I had Braxton Hicks too and these were definitely not that. As my midwife kept telling me, ignore any symptoms until you CAN’T….until they demand your attention. Well, these I couldn’t ignore. I laid there silently and prayed this was it. I thought through the whole plan. In two hours or so, when it was acceptable, I’d call my parents to come pick up Rosie. I thought they could take her to the zoo and then bring her back to the house to meet her brother around lunch, in perfect time for her nap. This baby was coming quickly after all. Because it was the weekend, Chris would have even more time with us as a new family in addition to what he planned to take off from work. And contractions didn’t wake me until 4 am and I’d slept great before that. We were rested and ready to go. Have I told y’all I’m a planner? I told God all these plans as I laid there timing my pressure waves. It’s hilarious now looking back because I was literally trying to convince God this was the right time to have this baby and He needed to let this be the real thing. As I usually do when telling God my plans, I threw a haphazard, “But if this isn’t Your will, I’m okay with that. Your plans are better, blah, blah, blah,” at the end, but then immediately followed it with, “But I really really really think this should be it. The timing is perfect, God, really it is.” Well, all of that died off around 7am and then nothing. I texted with my parents about it that morning and my dad said it sure was a good thing it hadn’t happened because my mom had the worst stomach bug she’d ever had and they wouldn’t have been able to take Rosie, but she also wouldn’t have been able to come stay and help as we’d planned until that bug was long gone for the baby’s sake. I was like, “Ugh, okay God, I get it. This wasn’t right.” But I was not happy. Well, y’all, that night, Chris woke up around 2am throwing up. He too had the worst stomach bug he’d ever had. Somehow little Rosie never showed symptoms, but she’d carried that little bug from my parents house. All night I laid there praying I wouldn’t get it. I couldn’t imagine being as sick as he was at 40 weeks pregnant, with labor potentially starting any minute. My stomach started feeling uneasy and by morning, I had it too. Not nearly as bad as him, thank goodness. Throwing up that many times so pregnant would be horrific. But it made for a rough few days. We couldn’t help but laugh at ourselves and my prayer. We’d been desperately praying for him to come each day and one day later, our prayer turned into HE CANNOT COME NOW! PLEASE DON’T LET HIM COME NOW! Thank goodness, he didn’t. I heard God many times that day and the days after saying, “See, I really do know best.” Going into labor with a stomach bug and a husband who’s completely out of commission…oh yeah and a toddler running around because my parents were too sick to take her? AWESOME. We healed from our sickness by Tuesday of that week, three days after my due date, and just waited. But this time around we were more patient. I spent a lot of time journaling and reminding myself that God had a perfect timing for him to be born. As Chris kept reminding me, waiting another day here or there was nothing. Either way, he’d be here soon. That entire week, I had no symptoms of anything starting. And we waited. But I was feeling pretty good. My birth team kept reminding me that all of those false starts were progress my body wouldn’t have to make during labor, so they weren’t for nothing. And reflecting over our journey thus far reminded me over and over again that this baby was in God’s hands. We all are. We’re in His timing and we can trust Him. We don’t see the whole picture, but He most certainly does. That week, I rubbed my belly and inner thighs (in a circular motion) with Clary Sage oil twice a day. It’s known to boost labor-starting hormones. I rested, I tried to be patient. I took Rosie out on “dates” every day thinking it could be our last and I couldn’t just sit at home waiting. We ended up having some of the sweetest time that week. I already wouldn’t trade this little bug sleeping beside me as I type, but I get teary just thinking about those last few days when it was just me and my girl. Mamas, make time for that before a new baby comes! It’s funny, the last three false starts started right around 4am. And on Friday morning, April 14th, the strongest contraction I’d had yet woke me up at 4:00am. I laid there telling myself it was nothing. It was likely still just my body preparing. I had two more in the next hour, each one stronger than the last. Then, from 5am – 6am, I had one every ten minutes without fail. After 6am, they jumped to nine minutes apart, then eight. I called my doula then to see what she thought. These were stronger, were clearly consistent (the others hadn’t been nearly like this) and they were getting closer together. She told me to watch it and update her when it changed. The biggest thing we were waiting for was daylight. Like I mentioned above, there’s something magical (I’ve been told) about night and birth. My water broke with Rosie at 4:30am, but labor didn’t start until dusk and then she was born in the night. My doula reminded me that often, the rising sun can make labor halt if it isn’t rolling enough yet. And like she said, the sun came up and everything died off at 7:30am. This time, I wasn’t even frustrated because I felt how different it was. I knew that was something starting with how strong and consistent it had gotten. She agreed it likely was and said it could amp up again that morning or anytime that day. It was probably just my body finding a rhythm. We put my midwife on standby and I called my parents to come get Rosie. I sent Chris on to work because the false starts had shown us that he can’t stay home anytime something could be happening. We really wanted to preserve his time off for when the baby for sure came. We decided that we’d go out to breakfast when my parents arrived. Like I’d felt all week, I didn’t want to just sit around waiting for something. Every day that week, I’d gotten dressed, fixed my hair, and put on make-up. I planned to do that this morning, but just didn’t have it in me. Something felt different. I threw on yoga pants, pulled my hair back, and we headed out to eat. Once we got seated at the restaurant and ordered, I started to feel “off.” That’s the only way I know how to describe it. I was having crampyness and the occasional contraction, but didn’t time them. But as breakfast went on, they got stronger and I had this overwhelming feeling that I had to get home. That more than anything told me this was something. I’d wanted to paint the town red the last two weeks even when I was having symptoms, but this time, I needed to be in my house now. We ate quickly and they took me home. I was pretty emotional saying goodbye to them and Rosie because my gut said that was the last time I’d see them before he came. I took one final glance at Rosie before they pulled away and something inside me just ached because I knew it’d never be just us again. The next time I saw her, I felt like my heart that’d always been just hers would be divided and I didn’t know how we’d all react to that. Looking back, I realize that so much of my anxiousness leading up to birth was about transitioning from one child to two. My head told me I’d love him as much and she would be better having a sibling, but my heart didn’t believe it. Rosie had stolen every single ounce of my mama heart and it just didn’t feel like there was any left for another baby. The dark, scary part of me deep down kept saying, “What if you don’t love him as much? What if this destroys her?” I would immediately talk myself out of those thoughts, but the new season was very unknown. My parents pulled away with her, I wiped my tears, and headed inside to wait… Thank y’all for reading this long intro to Dax’s birth story! All of this back story is such an important part of it for me, and I wish I’d read one like this ahead of time with all the waiting, so I was a little more prepared (as much as you can be) for that happening. Part II will be up Friday with lots of birth pictures! *** That’s been The White Buffalo motto for the last three years and is still what I’m striving to do each day in our home and with our family. Yes, that often means tablescapes, inspiring interiors, and fun before and after renos. But it also means family. Faith. Joy. Struggles. Laughter. Health. You’ll find a little bit of all of that here as I share how we’re choosing to live with both style and purpose. A huge part of that is our journey toward a more natural life that’s focused on enjoying each and every moment together. A huge thanks to my main blog sponsor that makes this dream of mine possible:
Rachel Winchester says May 3, 2017 at 8:04 pm Oh I’m on the edge of my seat and can’t wait to hear the rest! I’m so glad you are feeling well & re-entering the blogging world. Reply
AmandaKB says May 4, 2017 at 1:27 pm Awe, congratulations!!! Dax is so precious! I love his name. I’m so glad to hear you are all doing well as you adjust to having two little ones, and I bet Rosie is doing great in her role as a big sister. I’m excited you’re back. I can’t wait to hear more 🙂 Reply
Susan Lawson says May 4, 2017 at 3:57 pm So glad both you and Dax are doing great. I was starting to wonder what was happening. He looks like a real sweetheart, and I love the name. “Dax Jackman” sounds like an action hero of some sort! About second babies coming more quickly: My middle brother was 2 weeks overdue. My mom said she was so miserable she hardly knew what to do (I’m #3 so wasn’t around to witness). She was determined not to go through that again with me, she said, so on my due date took Paregoric in the evening (then sold OTC in PA where we lived), and had me around 2am. I certainly wouldn’t recommend it, but it probably did more to help her relax than to help the labor. Haha! Reply
Silvia Loya says May 4, 2017 at 5:35 pm So happy to hear your wonderful news and glad to have you back. Congratulations to and your family on the birth of your son. I’m sure Rosie is happy to finally meet her little brother and your’e grateful for the extra helping hands. Reply
Sandie says May 4, 2017 at 6:09 pm This is leaving me only wanting to hear more! You are a talented writer…..but you’ve also got the best story to share! It’s as if I feel all your labor pains, too! You can count on me opening my email inbox asap on Friday! Thank you so much for sharing this miracle of life? God bless you and your family. Reply